Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize