btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
