Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it's great music for shaving your balls
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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