actually, I'm a sock model
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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