i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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