i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
