It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
