I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
