Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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