This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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