does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
