I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
