I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
