She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
