I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The ass gains better be worth it
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