just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
