I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize