i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
