My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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