and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
