So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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