I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
