seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
