Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
