After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize