then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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