it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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