Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize