I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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