Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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