accomplished twins. life is a go
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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