found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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