For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize