Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
