Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
