pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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