Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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