I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
