maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
