sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
