Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
