he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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