just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
