She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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