i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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