Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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