I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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