He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
