He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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