living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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