Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wannas sexs uuuuu
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
