As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
