you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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