He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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