so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
