Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
