It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
