...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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