i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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