If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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