An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
