I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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