She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
