The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
