My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
