this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
