I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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