I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
