My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is my gift to your gina
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
