Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
