Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
