I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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