I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
