whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize