There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
