He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
