batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
