Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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