I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
