I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
