i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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