i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
