it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
