I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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