nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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