Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
