i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Randomize
