All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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