im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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