sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize