my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
