You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
