you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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