guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We had to coat check the pizza.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
