I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want a musical about memes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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