On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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