Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize